Friday, April 22, 2011

Melancholy Thoughts

Maybe this isn't the best thing to post on the Internet, however I feel the need to vent a bit. Quick update I have been sick for the past few weeks with two trips to the urgent care, who lost my blood work, a trip to the E.R. for a chest x-ray to test for pneumonia, and a trip to my regular doctor to retest blood work on allergens and Valley Fever. The diagnosis: two sinus infections, strep throat, bronchitis, and possibly Valley Fever (still inconclusive). A CT of my head determined that I have a deviated septum in my nasal cavities that may require surgery. Wonderful. I also my be allergic to Tucson. Especially the unfortunate possibility of mold in our "humble abode." Luckily we move out in May and things will look up. Yes indeed I am feeling sorry for myself and I am sorry that I am throwing out a pity party. However, I don't know if it is the third prescription that they have put me on that is causing all these negative depressing moods or what.

Lately (especially tonight) I have been so unsettled with the place that I am at in life. Don't ask me why. I have a WONDERFUL, supportive, above and beyond husband who puts everything on hold just to dote upon me at even the most inconvenient times. He is my perfect companion. I am so lucky that he was sent to bless my life. I just am constantly put to the test of patience and trust in the future and what the Lord has in store for us. I apparently have not learned my lesson because things just keep coming up to constantly push me to my limits.

I just want to be settled. I want so badly to be 5 or even 10 years down the road. To have an actual home that we can call our own. No more moving every nine months from apartment to apartment. I want so very badly to grow our little family. I want to be in Utah with our family and to feel like I have a full and prosperous life. I feel like I am in limbo. I have just finished school that has taken up the majority of my life. I work at a great dental office, but still I don't feel as though all the hard work I put into my degree is being used. However, I feel I don't really know what to do with my degree (Economics) it is so broad. But in these days, a bachelor's degree is equivalent to a high school diploma. This infuriates me. I love learning and I know I do best with structure. I want to go back to school and maybe become a therapist for addictions. But who knows. At the moment I just want to be a wife and a mom. (Desires I never thought I would want.) I have always had a special connection with children. I am always drawn to them. That draw has become stronger and stronger. Don't get me wrong, I love having Eric all to myself.

I am in the twilight zone. I don't know what to do with this time. Yes I have heard to try to enjoy the present. Enjoy the adventure we are on. That this is the most exciting time of our lives! We can make whatever we want of our lives. We aren't a mid-aged couple who is stuck in a house, town, and careers that we don't like. We are young! We can mold our lives into whatever we what! I can appreciate the beauty in this. However, I'm just don't want to be enthusiastic about it I suppose.

Truth be told, I miss Utah. I miss my family. I proudly/embarrassingly admit that I am a mommas girl. I am extremely close to my family and I just have had circumstances in my life that has made it difficult for me to become an independent adult sooner than desired. I feel I have made that adjustment. However, nothing will ever sever the ties I have with my family. I miss my little brother Chase who is serving a mission. I took him for granted while we were the only kids at home. I have been the typical mean bigger sister to him and I regret it to the fullest extent. He has such a kind and warm soul that has put up with all of my crap with integrity. I want to be there for my older brother who is so near and dear to my heart and in my thoughts constantly. He has never given up on me and has made tremendous sacrifices on my behalf. I want to be there for my only sister who, despite our less than pleasant past, has always had my best interest at heart. She is a sounding board to all my troubles. I want so badly to be there for her to help her in anyway possible. I miss my dad. He has sacrificed so so much to make for a comfortable lifestyle and made it possible for me to earn an education. He is always there at the drop of a hat to help me in any situation. For that I am eternally grateful. I miss my mom. She has been my strongest advocate in many situations. She has kept me afloat. She has come to my rescue countless times. No words can express my gratitude.

I love my in-laws and so happy I am apart of this family. I want to be there to build those relationships. I want to help my Lil' sissy-in-law with school and all the fun experiences in life that she is having. I want to visit with my Mother and Father-in-law who have blessed our lives so much and shed light on different scenarios. I want to grow closer to my older sissy-in-law and her husband and learn from them. I want to get to know my brother-in-law who has such a tender heart, whether he admits it or not.

And of course I miss my dearest, golden-hearted friends. They know who they are. I miss their kind and encouraging words. The laughter they bring into my life. The enlightening and deep conversations we have. I want to be there in their times of trouble.

I have made it across the pond with the support and love of my soul mate and guardian angel, my family, friends, and of course, my heavenly father. I just somehow need to adjust to this other side of the pond. I need to accept what is. To appreciate the moment in life that I am in. Heavenly Father is once again testing my patience and trust.

I love my dear friends I have made here in Tucson. Without them, I don't know that I could tolerate being away as easily. They are my weekly support group. I love listening and sharing our lives with one another.

As I write, I am becoming more and more content with the place I am at. I am blessed to have a wonderful ward family, visiting teachers/teaching companion, an amazing friendship base, and of course my dear husband. Count your blessing I suppose.

I still feel unsettled however. I still want to press forward on the life remote and at least know where, when, and how we are going to be in a few years. I hate the unknown. I am not a spontaneous person. I am a planner. I am a worry wart. I...I...need to go to bed.

Thank you for letting me vent. I apologize for such a downer post. It helps to get everything out though. This is not to make people worry or be alarmed. Merely an expression of the thoughts keeping me up at night.

Thank you.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A.J. and Tucson

First order of business: I AM A COLLEGE GRADUATE!!! I graduated in Economics with a business minor in December from the University of Utah.

Second order of business: Eric and I are finally re-united! We have survived our semester apart and will never do anything like that again! We enjoyed a great Christmas break with each other and family and friends. We also got to SKYPE with my lil' bro Chase, who is on his mission in Georgia. That's right, I said Skype! It was great!

Third order of business: I (along with my doggy A.J. have made the move down to Tucson with Eric. This has been quite the interesting experience....

If anybody knows my dog A.J. he is a very... well... dumb yet lovable maltese. I think he is a little slow because he is a pure bred dog and all that inbreeding has to do something to these dogs. Despite all this, he is my puppy that I have had for 11 years. I really wanted to bring him to Tucson to make my adjustment a little easier and since my parents are now empty nesters... they didn't mind. It took a little effort on my part to persuade Eric this was a good idea. Luckily Christmas night Eric laid three pictures face down on the table and had me flip them over from left to right. The first: a picture of Tucson. The second: a picture of us. The third: a picture of A.J.!

In order to get A.J. ready for the 12 hour trip we had to call the vet and get sedative pills. He does not do well in cars at all. He was pretty anxious even with the sedation so unfortunately we had to give him a little more than advised. He did much better for the rest of the trip until we got to Phoenix when he threw-up in his bed. So Close! Luckily it was in one of his two beds and we were able to clean pretty easily. We got home, AJ explored the place and looked up at us like "This is it?" I feel bad taking him from a big house a big yard to tiny apartment with on a 12x12 sq ft yard. What can I say, it's an adjustment for all of us.

Next adventure: the park. A.J. is not the most social savvy dog around other dogs. He isn't a mean dog. He is just a little... awkward?... Excited?... Dumb?... He has calmed down a lot since he is older now and well... since his "operation" but he is still A.J. Regardless of A.J.'s malfunctions, he has made life in Tucson more fun and seems to complete our little family. Eric is making a great effort to bond with him and it's fun to watch them play and watch A.J. lick Eric's hands, arms, and face.

As for us, Eric started his second semester of law school and seems to be taking a different/slower approach to his curriculum. As he says, "It's a marathon not a sprint." I had an interview with the University Medical Center as an Administrative Assistant on Tuesday and don't really know the results. In the mean time, I am actively searching for a job and just hanging out with A.J. while Eric is in class.

Oh and how could I forget the Tucson tragedy and the wonderful opportunity we had to go see our leader speak at the memorial. Props to Eric who stood in line for 5 hours to secure our spot inside. We almost didn't make it in. They stopped the line only a few people behind us and there were about 12,000 people inside and many more thousands of people who showed up to show their support. This city is so united and has the strongest sense of community. It is great to be here.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Chair Reupholster

So... I recently took on a too-large-to handle project. I read on some other blog about reupholstering a chair, so I thought... "Oh that seems simple enough." Bad mistake. I advise anyone who is thinking of doing this: DON'T! or at least prepare yourself for lots of mistakes, moments of despair, but a pretty good reward (if you finish.) I found a chair at Goodwill in Tucson for like $20 and midway through my "project" realized I needed a sewing machine. We have a wonderful ward down here and a super nice girl in the ward let me use hers. Thanks Maurine! Why would I take this project on?... Well, I was in Tucson for 10 days, for our Anniversary and my fall break!! One year baby! Anyway... so I needed something to do. Well, these are the results.

Kitchen remodel

We finally have a functioning kitchen!!!! (except that only one person can be in there.) So I won't waste your time. Here are the pics.

A little better right?... I hope so. I'm pleased with it.

Oh and here are a few random pics of our bedroom. I have neglected this room as far as decor goes ;)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tucson adventures! (Finally)

O.K. So lots and lots of changes. I am not the best person with this whole blog thing and I vow to become a little better. But seriously, who has the time to do this when life is at its busiest? But that is when you should document the most right? Ugh.

Anywho... So quick synopsis: Eric and I have moved to Tucson and left our dear little 200 W 400 N apt. in Salt Lake City. It was a little tender to leave our first home that has been so good to us. Nevertheless, we were strong and brave and pressed forward. : ( We traveled with my mom and Eric's parents dared to drive the 13 hours in the Budget truck. (Bless their hearts.) Two days of driving, many stops, a stay in an interesting "hotel" in Flagstaff, a lacking salad bar at Sizzler, and many squished limbs later we rolled into our new home town in style.

As we made our way around the area to our new home, (with our navigating phones rerouting quite often) we pulled into 2806 N. Tucson Blvd. What a shock! More shock came when we stepped inside. AHHH!!! A kitchen that I'm pretty sure was suppose to be a closet. Kitchen linoleum rotting and coming apart, wallpaper that was tearing and in a lovely print, a stove that must have been an antique, a homemade shelving unit that was secured to the wall with one screw, and finally a Wedgewood blue kitchen counter. This was just the kitchen mind you. Just a slightly malfunctioning swamp cooler in 112 degree weather and a few bugs where the only other complaints. I keep saying that this was a "cross your fingers, hope Craigslist will come through for you" kind of thing.

Due to all of the "surprises" that we discovered upon arriving and the 2 inch cockroach I found in the kitchen sink when Eric was at school. I had no choice but to beg my neighbor I had never met before to come kill the dang thing (he reluctantly obliged.) Anyway... I mentioned to our landlord that this might be a wonderful time to do a little updating. New tenants... fresh start! Right?... So I proposed that he redo the kitchen floor, let me paint an accent wall over the wallpaper and perhaps a new stove? Oh and maybe we could get a functioning swamp cooler that produces cold or even cool air without black particles shooting out with it? To my astonishment, our landlord agreed to it all! And rather quickly might I add. Along with a list of his favorite restaurants in town, a few tips on how to stay cool with a swamp cooler, and some fertilizer for our very own grapefruit tree in the back! We love him! I was able to pick out the tile and paint for the kitchen, and he hired quite a character to come and work on the floors. I don't have all of the after pictures but they are coming. Here are a few of the before and during photos.


On campus

Mesa Temple

O.K. we are pretty cute

Living room before

Some living room after..

Not very good shots but you get the idea.

Where Eric's magic happens

Bedroom before

Some wall before...

Some wall after!....

Nightmare kitchen

More kitchen before...

Ancient stove and homemade shelves...

Yucky wallpaper

Nasty floor that is 22 years old!


ahh... much better! Making progress.

Let the painting begin...


That's right. We be gettin' our paint on.

What a good boy!

Oh, and we had our fridge sitting outside on the back porch for a week.

White trash is very "in" these days.

Well... Thanks for enduring with us on our little project. I will put up the real after shots when I see my boy next on Thursday!!!! It has been 10 days since I have seen him and am quite excited!

Also, despite my little complaints about our new "home," Tucson really is a wonderful place with wonderful people and a wonderful ward who has adopted us (Eric) into the family. I am so grateful that there are six law students in our ward! And they have adopted Eric and invited him into their homes. Thank you so much to all the generous people who have made this period in our lives bearable.

Eric is loving his studies and hammers it out 12 hours a day! (What else is he going to do?) I am surprised at how challenging my last semester is not, and will be so happy to be a graduate in December! Living with the parentals is an adjustment for all of us and we have laid down some ground rules... : ) I love them so much for their help. And Eric's family who has not forgotten that I am still around. Skype is wonderful invention that helps the distance somewhat livable.

I will keep you posted on any changes that arise. Hopefully a little more frequently.